Every couple is from a completely different planet, but most couples psychologists agree that for every couple respect and an open environment in which both can communicate, express ideas and be listened to are the basic pillars of any relationship.
Loving someone is not always enough to make a relationship work, it is sad but some people are just not compatible with each other. But being very different from your partner is not per se a bad thing, many times these differences in personality add a spark to the relationship. A problem only arises when one or both partners cannot tolerate most of these differences.
A toxic relationship arises when the differences between your partner and you are very extreme and your partner and/or you are trying to change each other through guilt and manipulation. Most of the time, toxic relationships occur because one or both partners are unwilling or unable to understand and tolerate many characteristics about their significant other.
Signs that you are in a Toxic Relationship:
It bothers your partner when you spend time with your family and friends.
In family reunions or with friends, you avoid expressing your opinion about something for fear of being reprimanded or questioned by your partner.
Your partner does not respect your privacy and checks your phone and social media.
Your partner is trying to insert himself/herself excessively into your personal finances and ask for explanations for your expenses.
You and/or your partner constantly have to be aware of the other person’s schedule and planning the other person’s life without considering them.
Emotional manipulation is commonly used in the relationship and you guilt each other into doing many things that you really don’t want to do.
Compensation for any kind of favour is always expected.
You are belittled and your partner tells you things like: “without me you would be nothing”.
You are treated with extreme paternalism and overprotection.
Spending time with friends from the opposite sex is problematic because of strong feelings of jealousy in your relationship.
Your ways of dressing are massively influenced by your partner.
Your partner minimises any problems you might have and does not take you seriously.
In discussions you always have to give in, because otherwise it might be days without your partner speaking to you.
You don’t talk about any relationship problems to anyone because you are scared your partner will find out and get angry.
You avoid explaining problems or talking about certain issues with him/her because you know your partner would take it wrong.
Your partner blames you for problems they have in their work life or with other people outside the relationship.
Your partner manipulates or guilts you into performing sexual practices that you don’t like.
Your partner compares you to other sexual partners from his/her past.
You are always reminded of your failures and past mistakes.
He addresses you with demands and bad manners very frequently.
Your partner downplays your worth and virtues.
You and/or your partner make decisions for each other without consulting each other.
You and/or your partner expect to have sex with each other regardless of the other person’s current state of mind or mood.
Everyone makes mistakes and some of these points might sometimes apply to your relationship. But most of the time these problems can be fixed through communication and teamwork.
It is only a toxic relationship when many of these points apply frequently to your relationship. Therefore, we must be careful when judging. However for some couples, it is possible that there is no going back and that the relationship is doomed to failure. It is the obligation of each person to carefully analyse the situation to know if it is worth trying to fix things or not.